Grateful Pause

I started writing on a different subject and then decided to keep it real and start over. Today I started a new gig, running operations for a vet clinic in Olathe. I am excited for this new adventure that will push me to learn something other than “human” healthcare and still allow for the balance I have made a top priority in my life. The last 6 months have been a rollercoaster in many, many aspects. 2020 has been a doozy but I cannot help but be grateful for the unexpected interruptions that MADE me pause and reevaluate what I wanted from this one, precious life. I can honestly say, I’m not sure I would have ever slowed down to do it by myself and therefore am grateful for the cosmic intervention that has set me down this different path.

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A loved one recently commented to me, “I feel like I’m seeing my Kimmie again.” I shrugged and smiled but chewed on that statement for quite a bit. I can see the truth in it. I had, in a way, lost myself to the grind of chasing the next goal, the next promotion, the next accolade. In the fog of the achievements, I forgot how much I love trees. I forgot how much I love the country. I forgot how much I love to make music. After a discussion with a dear friend who has known me a very long time I admitted, “I don’t sing anymore, why do you think I don’t sing anymore?”
“Huh…” he replied, “maybe it’s pride.” 

In the moment, I felt indignant but as I thought on it more, I knew he had hit the nail on the head. Pride and stubbornness are two traits that like to bare their ugly snouts more than I like to admit. Over the years, I had felt I had moved on and risen above these things that I “used to do” or shoved them to the side because I “didn’t have time”; but in reality, I was sacrificing bits of myself to fit a mold that I truly never wanted in the first place. I had let my pride get in the way of my joy; I let my quest for success get in the way of my identity and character.
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I look back now and can see people along my path who have fully lost themselves along that same track of thinking. People who would sacrifice their dying grandmother to achieve their next goal or promotion and it scares me to think I could have become that. But to what end? What is the point of reaching that elusive throne if along the way you lost yourself, sacrificed relationships, and compromised your character? I am so grateful for the pause in my life that made me realize it is not worth it.
Grateful, so very very grateful for the fork in the road. So grateful for the mentors, friends and loved ones that encouraged me to peel back the layers and re discover myself. So grateful for the new adventure I am on. 

​If you’ve lasted this far into my ramblings, I have a challenge for you. I challenge you to pause. Be your own intervention and take a day to rest and reflect. Are you living your best life? Are you being true to who you are? Are you being honest with yourself? I certainly haven’t nailed down all these questions but I am working on it and that’s progress considering I came from the land of avoidance and denial. I leave you with the wise words from author Pat Conway: “Why do they not teach you that time is a finger snap and an eye blink, and that you should not allow a moment to pass you by without taking joyous, ecstatic note of it, not wasting a single moment of its swift, breakneck circuit?”
Why indeed.
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